Well, well, What Do We Have Here?

I'm married and I'm going to have a baby in less than 30 days!!! I honestly had a moment where I said to myself "I can't believe that I'm actually pregnant." This was three days ago, mind you.

 I remember when at some points in my single life I wondered how it would be, to be married, or to have children, how does it feel to be pregnant...and now, its all here! Its INCREDIBLE!!

Truthfully, truthfully, it's a little intimidating with a pinch of fear. It's realizing you will never be the same. It's embracing the new role as a wife and mom.

 It's learning God's calling for this new role. It's not easy but it is oh so sweet and beautiful. Becoming a wife was a step closer to God. Although, I honestly felt my personal routine connection with God was a little challenged (since now it was shared and not on the same basis), I learned so much more about being a Godly woman.

God has designed our lives to be challenged in these new roles so that we realize attributes about ourselves that simply were not exposed until they are dealt with in the union of marriage. Moments like "geez I never thought I'd be this SENSATIVE!" and "Why is THIS bothering me?" or humbleness, humility, COMMUNICATION. I didnt realize I wasn't very good at communicating... Those are all now works in progress, thank God!

 Becoming a mom is a whole new wonderfully challenging chapter in my life and I can't wait, and...I can. I know myself and I know that I want to be the best mom. I don't want to screw up. I don't want to fail. I want to be friends with my child. I want to be loving, and strict. I want to be Godly. I want to so many things and I don't have the exact recipe. There simply ISNT one. trust me, don't even google it.

That is what causes a bitter sweet anxiousness about Baby's arrival. More sweet than bitter. I worry about her health and her wellbeing, her future friends and her personality, her education and her love for God. I've never experienced such feelings in my life. I only now realize how big it is to be a parent and only now realize my parents were much bigger than I ever gave them credit.

This stage in my life is one that will never repeat itself and one that I embrace wholeheartedly. I welcome any and all advice from all parents or friends. "you dont know what you dont know" is one of the quotes that helps me grow...and of course, my husband so greatly reminds me that to be in a constant state of learning is the most invaluable.

 A work in progress, under continuous construction. its what I am.