patience...my closest friends know that it is definitely not one of my strong points.
during Daniel's fast, I realized HOW impossibly (for me to grasp), incredibly and unbelievably patient God is and Has been with me...and how in return...I often am the complete opposite. almost to the point where I know it's an issue and yet i sound like, and I quote, "God give me patience, and give it to me NOW!"
Though I am more patient for the things of less interest to me... or in certain situations where the benefit of waiting or being patient outweighs the consequences of being impatient...God shows me that He is patient in ALL areas, especially and specifically to that which matters most to Him (in my case this would be the hardest to do). My/Our relationship and Love towards Him.
God provides the Way and possibilities
Romans 8:25
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
DAY 14
so much has happened and I need to catch up with the blog!
The updates will not be in the particular day to day order...i will number them, but the messages God gave me and what stood out are not necessarily on the day of.
I was in Las Vegas, walking around and seeing all the sites...and of course couldnt help but also notice the "sin" of the "sin city." I was praying and thanking God that He found me in this huge world...that He gave me salvation, a purpose in life and Freedom.
I saw so many faces that were under the spotlight, so many outfits that were bright, and big smiles, all-attention-on-them type of people...and so. much. sadness... in their eyes. It was incredible to notice.
A verse came to mind:
Ecclesiastes 7:29
This only have I found: God made mankind upright, but men have gone in search of many schemes."
then, on the side of bellagio, a man was preaching, rather harshly for my taste. But nonetheless, God can use even what we think is pointless, fruitless or worthless.
2 Corinthians 6:1
As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain.
I was extremely grateful for the Grace I've not found nor deserved. For He found me in the world, and he pulled me out of it. He gave me peace I was searching for, and Love in its purest form.
The updates will not be in the particular day to day order...i will number them, but the messages God gave me and what stood out are not necessarily on the day of.
I was in Las Vegas, walking around and seeing all the sites...and of course couldnt help but also notice the "sin" of the "sin city." I was praying and thanking God that He found me in this huge world...that He gave me salvation, a purpose in life and Freedom.
I saw so many faces that were under the spotlight, so many outfits that were bright, and big smiles, all-attention-on-them type of people...and so. much. sadness... in their eyes. It was incredible to notice.
A verse came to mind:
Ecclesiastes 7:29
This only have I found: God made mankind upright, but men have gone in search of many schemes."
then, on the side of bellagio, a man was preaching, rather harshly for my taste. But nonetheless, God can use even what we think is pointless, fruitless or worthless.
2 Corinthians 6:1
As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain.
I was extremely grateful for the Grace I've not found nor deserved. For He found me in the world, and he pulled me out of it. He gave me peace I was searching for, and Love in its purest form.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
DAY 13
12-16-09
I haven't cried like this in a long, long time...
God has really been teaching me how to make His word practical. The only way to apply it is by living it...
Today, Proverbs helped me through a dispute:12:16
"A fool's wrath is presently known: but a prudent man covereth shame."
This verse once stood out for me..and today God sent it as a reminder to exercise this principle. A prudent man is a wise person...To be filled with God's wisdom is to filter your internal reaction to any given situation and instead of allowing our sinful nature to deal with it, you allow God to pull you out of it.
In a rocky place, you will be calm and firm. You will prevent the shame of words and actions that may be regretful and even shameful afterwards.
A Prudent man is God's child Who is able to lose the earthly battle but win the spiritual one.
A Prudent man is not afraid to humble himself and understands that in our weakness, He is strong.
A prudent man doesn't search for his own righteousness to be acknowledged and rewarded, but out of love and good intentions will be more interested in gaining a friendship.
A prudent man is one whose heart has endured many blows, and carried many sufferings, but through whom one finds peace and protection.
Thank You Lord for this incredible lesson. Help me apply it because I am weak and can only battle my sinful nature with You. Amen.
I haven't cried like this in a long, long time...
God has really been teaching me how to make His word practical. The only way to apply it is by living it...
Today, Proverbs helped me through a dispute:12:16
"A fool's wrath is presently known: but a prudent man covereth shame."
This verse once stood out for me..and today God sent it as a reminder to exercise this principle. A prudent man is a wise person...To be filled with God's wisdom is to filter your internal reaction to any given situation and instead of allowing our sinful nature to deal with it, you allow God to pull you out of it.
In a rocky place, you will be calm and firm. You will prevent the shame of words and actions that may be regretful and even shameful afterwards.
A Prudent man is God's child Who is able to lose the earthly battle but win the spiritual one.
A Prudent man is not afraid to humble himself and understands that in our weakness, He is strong.
A prudent man doesn't search for his own righteousness to be acknowledged and rewarded, but out of love and good intentions will be more interested in gaining a friendship.
A prudent man is one whose heart has endured many blows, and carried many sufferings, but through whom one finds peace and protection.
Thank You Lord for this incredible lesson. Help me apply it because I am weak and can only battle my sinful nature with You. Amen.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
DAY 12
12-15-09
God has been teaching me and showing me His Holiness and His love INCREDIBLY!
Last night is when I received this message through our youth leader..but I will post today because I feel like this is what my mind and soul will be meditating on.
God took me back to the day I spiritually fell (see previous blog entries), not only to explain that He understands...but to assure me that He keeps His promises, and has Always Understood...
my question, frustration and disappointment at the fall was especially because it was exactly in the time I deeply long to become closer to God, to know Him more and more!! How can this happen! I was upset I failed myself and God.
The leader asked us to open and think on Romans chapter 7: 13-25.
An analogy to the "law" Paul 'discovers' can be the law of gravity, for instance. On earth, it doesn't matter what area you are in, or what country, you are living with laws of gravity.
The Law that every human being is a sinful nature is a law one cannot ignore or get rid of. If one claims to have no sinful nature because he/she is forgiven, more than likely, that person is actually under the CONTROL of his/her sinful nature. His state of spirituality is one like the Pharisees, where by works, one thinks of himself as holy, and may as well appear to be.
However, it is in the process of yearning and longing to grow in His Holiness, when our sinful nature is reflected and exposed by His light, and that is when we become aware of the sinful nature that SINS, that FALLS, because it is law. so therefore; "we do what we dont want to...and don't do that what we want to do!!"
The difference is in the fact that, when we become aware, we now understand our dependence on God, and that without Him, we cannot conquer the sinful nature. Although it will always be a part of who we are (even when we are Born-Again), we are now continuously acknowledging and battling the sinful nature within us.
God WANTS us to be aware of the fact that we are sinful! if we were able to live perfectly Holy, we would find no need for God and His forgiveness! We are Broken by Sin, God put us back together, but the crack remains and is always threatened to break again. It is impossible to live without God holding us. It is impossible to conquer sin until we acknowledge the law of our sinful nature and our Dependence on God.
________________
13Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
God has been teaching me and showing me His Holiness and His love INCREDIBLY!
Last night is when I received this message through our youth leader..but I will post today because I feel like this is what my mind and soul will be meditating on.
God took me back to the day I spiritually fell (see previous blog entries), not only to explain that He understands...but to assure me that He keeps His promises, and has Always Understood...
my question, frustration and disappointment at the fall was especially because it was exactly in the time I deeply long to become closer to God, to know Him more and more!! How can this happen! I was upset I failed myself and God.
The leader asked us to open and think on Romans chapter 7: 13-25.
An analogy to the "law" Paul 'discovers' can be the law of gravity, for instance. On earth, it doesn't matter what area you are in, or what country, you are living with laws of gravity.
The Law that every human being is a sinful nature is a law one cannot ignore or get rid of. If one claims to have no sinful nature because he/she is forgiven, more than likely, that person is actually under the CONTROL of his/her sinful nature. His state of spirituality is one like the Pharisees, where by works, one thinks of himself as holy, and may as well appear to be.
However, it is in the process of yearning and longing to grow in His Holiness, when our sinful nature is reflected and exposed by His light, and that is when we become aware of the sinful nature that SINS, that FALLS, because it is law. so therefore; "we do what we dont want to...and don't do that what we want to do!!"
The difference is in the fact that, when we become aware, we now understand our dependence on God, and that without Him, we cannot conquer the sinful nature. Although it will always be a part of who we are (even when we are Born-Again), we are now continuously acknowledging and battling the sinful nature within us.
God WANTS us to be aware of the fact that we are sinful! if we were able to live perfectly Holy, we would find no need for God and His forgiveness! We are Broken by Sin, God put us back together, but the crack remains and is always threatened to break again. It is impossible to live without God holding us. It is impossible to conquer sin until we acknowledge the law of our sinful nature and our Dependence on God.
________________
13Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
DAY 11
12-14-09
I'M ALIVE!!!!! I heard this song 3 times on the radio today, I'm OVERWHELMED by grace I CAN'T keep to myself! check the song out:
http://www.onlylyrics.com/hits.php?grid=11&id=1037478
There was a time I was dead inside.
You'd call my name and I'd try to hide.
My heart was dark and so full of shame,
Full of shame.
But like the dawning of a brand new day
Your love has chased my shame away.
How amazing, now I hear You singing over me!
Over me!
Lively, I sing
Lively, I live
Giving You all I have to give,
Until the world knows the Love that's made me so alive
I'm alive, I'm alive!
Well, every day I find Your mercy new.
And every moment that I spend with You
I am overwhelmed by Grace I can't keep to myself!
To myself!
Lively, I sing
Lively, I live
Giving You all I have to give,
Until the world knows the Love that's made me so alive
I'm alive, I'm alive!
Lively, I sing
Lively, I live
Giving You all I have to give,
Until the world knows the Love that's made me so alive
I'm alive, I'm alive!
Out of my sorrow, out of my night,
You called me into Glorious Light.
Where all of the lost, lonely and broken
Find Your Light.
Shine Your Light.
Lively, I sing
Lively, I live
Giving You all I have to give,
Until the world knows the Love that's made me so alive
I'm alive
Lively, I sing
Lively, I live
Giving You all I have to give,
Until the world the Love that's made me so alive
I'm alive, I'm alive! Yeah,
I'm alive, I'm alive, yeah!
I'M ALIVE!!!!! I heard this song 3 times on the radio today, I'm OVERWHELMED by grace I CAN'T keep to myself! check the song out:
http://www.onlylyrics.com/hits.php?grid=11&id=1037478
There was a time I was dead inside.
You'd call my name and I'd try to hide.
My heart was dark and so full of shame,
Full of shame.
But like the dawning of a brand new day
Your love has chased my shame away.
How amazing, now I hear You singing over me!
Over me!
Lively, I sing
Lively, I live
Giving You all I have to give,
Until the world knows the Love that's made me so alive
I'm alive, I'm alive!
Well, every day I find Your mercy new.
And every moment that I spend with You
I am overwhelmed by Grace I can't keep to myself!
To myself!
Lively, I sing
Lively, I live
Giving You all I have to give,
Until the world knows the Love that's made me so alive
I'm alive, I'm alive!
Lively, I sing
Lively, I live
Giving You all I have to give,
Until the world knows the Love that's made me so alive
I'm alive, I'm alive!
Out of my sorrow, out of my night,
You called me into Glorious Light.
Where all of the lost, lonely and broken
Find Your Light.
Shine Your Light.
Lively, I sing
Lively, I live
Giving You all I have to give,
Until the world knows the Love that's made me so alive
I'm alive
Lively, I sing
Lively, I live
Giving You all I have to give,
Until the world the Love that's made me so alive
I'm alive, I'm alive! Yeah,
I'm alive, I'm alive, yeah!
DAY 10
12-13-09
When the enemy tries to attack using my weakest points, pointing them out to me, reminding me that I am incapable of reaching what I want to be, or become...I often find myself LISTENING. The reason I react to what the enemy says, it's because it is the truth! Satan uses it to manipulate me into first thinking wrong, then doing wrong, then progress into living in sin, where he, ultimately, used my own imperfections so that I may be deceived, and he wins the battle.
There is a bigger truth, the weapon Against his attack. Today, I am thankful that God showed me the process.
In 2Kings 18:13-19:37
King of Assyria, Sennacherib, threatens the King of Judah, Hezekiah "what are you trusting in that makes you so confident?...perhaps you will say to me 'we are trusting in the Lord our God!' But isnt He the one who was insulted by Hezekiah?...Have the gods of any other nations ever saved their people from the king of Assyria?"
and King Hezekiah listened, (like I was trapped into listening...)The Assyrian King was correct in saying that he is stronger, and that King Hezekiah's troops cannot defeat his own...
this brought upon fear for Hezekiah and he sends a message for help to Prophet Isiah.
And the Lord Answers to Hezekiah, to me, to you:
"DO NOT BE DISTURBED by this blasphemous speech against me..."
then God speaks against the King of Assyria "...Whom have you been defying and ridiculing? Against Whom did you raise your voice? ...You have said...I have conquered many mountains...But have you not heard? I DECIDED THIS LONG AGO. LONG AGO I PLANNED IT...."
When we are in God's embrace, no truth can be used against us...Because nothing and no one can conquer, or even weaken the protection we are embraced in.
When the enemy tries to attack using my weakest points, pointing them out to me, reminding me that I am incapable of reaching what I want to be, or become...I often find myself LISTENING. The reason I react to what the enemy says, it's because it is the truth! Satan uses it to manipulate me into first thinking wrong, then doing wrong, then progress into living in sin, where he, ultimately, used my own imperfections so that I may be deceived, and he wins the battle.
There is a bigger truth, the weapon Against his attack. Today, I am thankful that God showed me the process.
In 2Kings 18:13-19:37
King of Assyria, Sennacherib, threatens the King of Judah, Hezekiah "what are you trusting in that makes you so confident?...perhaps you will say to me 'we are trusting in the Lord our God!' But isnt He the one who was insulted by Hezekiah?...Have the gods of any other nations ever saved their people from the king of Assyria?"
and King Hezekiah listened, (like I was trapped into listening...)The Assyrian King was correct in saying that he is stronger, and that King Hezekiah's troops cannot defeat his own...
this brought upon fear for Hezekiah and he sends a message for help to Prophet Isiah.
And the Lord Answers to Hezekiah, to me, to you:
"DO NOT BE DISTURBED by this blasphemous speech against me..."
then God speaks against the King of Assyria "...Whom have you been defying and ridiculing? Against Whom did you raise your voice? ...You have said...I have conquered many mountains...But have you not heard? I DECIDED THIS LONG AGO. LONG AGO I PLANNED IT...."
When we are in God's embrace, no truth can be used against us...Because nothing and no one can conquer, or even weaken the protection we are embraced in.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
DAY 9
12-12-09
Today God showed me that He wants me to TRUST Him...without questions, challenges, requests of clarification, explanation, reasons...or anything! God searches for my unconditional obedience and dependence on Him alone. When the Bible says "fear the Lord" (i heard on the radio) it means submitting yourself unconditionally to the Will of God.
I want to be able to Love Him to the point that I can trust Him alone. no one else. but HIM 100%...so that I may fear Him as He wants me to..through my obedience.
"Hezekiah trusted in the Lord, the God of israel. There was no one like him among al lthe kings of Judah,either before or after his time. He remained faithful to the Lordin everythin gand he carefully obeyed all the commands the Lord has given..."2 Kings, 18: 5
Today God showed me that He wants me to TRUST Him...without questions, challenges, requests of clarification, explanation, reasons...or anything! God searches for my unconditional obedience and dependence on Him alone. When the Bible says "fear the Lord" (i heard on the radio) it means submitting yourself unconditionally to the Will of God.
I want to be able to Love Him to the point that I can trust Him alone. no one else. but HIM 100%...so that I may fear Him as He wants me to..through my obedience.
"Hezekiah trusted in the Lord, the God of israel. There was no one like him among al lthe kings of Judah,either before or after his time. He remained faithful to the Lordin everythin gand he carefully obeyed all the commands the Lord has given..."2 Kings, 18: 5
Friday, December 11, 2009
DAY 8
12-11-09
Today was especially challenging at work but God helped me get through it all...and my patients were doing better. I prayed for them...and feel that God is healing them, both inside and out.
From ACTS 20:24
My Life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus--The work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.
That should be every believers 'purpose in life'! That is what I want to feel and do! I want to be that committed and excited to spread His word and do the work He has prepared, or even assigned to me...
also in the 33rd verse quotes Jesus "It is more blessed to give than to receive"
a motto I want to add to my daily life.I want to Give joy, blessings, love and that which God provided so I can be a vessel, a tool in His hands.
"Praise the Lord!" shouts David in verse 14 chapter 148. and my heart does just that. For He alone is worthy of all praise.
Today was especially challenging at work but God helped me get through it all...and my patients were doing better. I prayed for them...and feel that God is healing them, both inside and out.
From ACTS 20:24
My Life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus--The work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.
That should be every believers 'purpose in life'! That is what I want to feel and do! I want to be that committed and excited to spread His word and do the work He has prepared, or even assigned to me...
also in the 33rd verse quotes Jesus "It is more blessed to give than to receive"
a motto I want to add to my daily life.I want to Give joy, blessings, love and that which God provided so I can be a vessel, a tool in His hands.
"Praise the Lord!" shouts David in verse 14 chapter 148. and my heart does just that. For He alone is worthy of all praise.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Day 7
12-10-09
I'm so happy today, I'm forgiven. I feel the content of a new beginning, a refreshing new start. being able to see yourself at the bottom, no doubt you know when God allows you there for a reason. For a season. I thank God, that He sends me this Knowing that I need it like air. If I would feel abandoned by God Himself, I wouldn't be able to imagine life.
He takes no pleasure in the strength of a horse or in human might. No, the Lord's delight is in those who fear Him, those who put their hope in his unfailing Love.
Thank you God for Loving the whole world with you unfailing love. Thank you, Thank You, Thank You.
I'm so happy today, I'm forgiven. I feel the content of a new beginning, a refreshing new start. being able to see yourself at the bottom, no doubt you know when God allows you there for a reason. For a season. I thank God, that He sends me this Knowing that I need it like air. If I would feel abandoned by God Himself, I wouldn't be able to imagine life.
He takes no pleasure in the strength of a horse or in human might. No, the Lord's delight is in those who fear Him, those who put their hope in his unfailing Love.
Thank you God for Loving the whole world with you unfailing love. Thank you, Thank You, Thank You.
DAY 6
12-09-09
I've been living out of sanity
I've been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind
I use one hand to pull you closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high
_____-
I was never able to relate to this song like I did this morning...I want both hands, lifted high. I want it sooo bad!
I've been living out of sanity
I've been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind
I use one hand to pull you closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high
_____-
I was never able to relate to this song like I did this morning...I want both hands, lifted high. I want it sooo bad!
DAY 6
12-9-09
In the pain I felt the day before, I continued to ask for forgiveness, for Him to cleanse me of my wrong, and God sends me His love, His forgiveness...
The Lord is merciful and compassionate,
slow to get angry and filled with teh unfailing love.
The Lord is good to everyone. He showers compassion to all his creation.
Psalms 145:8-9
That is all I could rely on. I know God has the right to take away His blessings, or send me punishment...but even so, I know He is my God, and all I want to do, is rely on His mercy, while pray for wisdom, and peace, and His Love and the Fear I can have to Honor Him. It's hard to admit that I don't want Him to take away blessings and punish me instead...but it would be completely right for Him to do it if He chooses to! But in this verse, I know I can lay my heart on His knees and rely on His mercy and compassion. He is like no other. I will not question that My God not only Loves. He IS Love.
In the pain I felt the day before, I continued to ask for forgiveness, for Him to cleanse me of my wrong, and God sends me His love, His forgiveness...
The Lord is merciful and compassionate,
slow to get angry and filled with teh unfailing love.
The Lord is good to everyone. He showers compassion to all his creation.
Psalms 145:8-9
That is all I could rely on. I know God has the right to take away His blessings, or send me punishment...but even so, I know He is my God, and all I want to do, is rely on His mercy, while pray for wisdom, and peace, and His Love and the Fear I can have to Honor Him. It's hard to admit that I don't want Him to take away blessings and punish me instead...but it would be completely right for Him to do it if He chooses to! But in this verse, I know I can lay my heart on His knees and rely on His mercy and compassion. He is like no other. I will not question that My God not only Loves. He IS Love.
DAY 5
12-8-09
This process of Daniel's fast is so much bigger than I had anticipated.
Tuesday. My day did not start as I hoped. (with prayer and scripture)....it was not pretty. And I must say, the end of the day was a huge wake up call.
1 Corinthians 10:12 (New International Version)
12So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!
I fell. The interesting part is that temptation comes especially during the time you want to, plan to, and try to stand firm. When the circumstances change, and the day to day orderly manner is interrupted, It is like walking on ice for the first time.
is it possible not to slip? it is, but it is more likely that the cause of the fall is the choice to walk on this crisp thin ice. And as I walked, as carefully as I thought I may be, the ice did, and as always will, crush beneath and.. down I went.
It was the most humbling experience...when I was able to look at myself and feel the inpdescribable pain of disappointment. God showed me how perfect He is, and how imperfect I am, especially in His light...God showed me also, that I wasn't holding His hand..and at this time specifically, He was holding it out, offering his hand, the whole time.
This process of Daniel's fast is so much bigger than I had anticipated.
Tuesday. My day did not start as I hoped. (with prayer and scripture)....it was not pretty. And I must say, the end of the day was a huge wake up call.
1 Corinthians 10:12 (New International Version)
12So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!
I fell. The interesting part is that temptation comes especially during the time you want to, plan to, and try to stand firm. When the circumstances change, and the day to day orderly manner is interrupted, It is like walking on ice for the first time.
is it possible not to slip? it is, but it is more likely that the cause of the fall is the choice to walk on this crisp thin ice. And as I walked, as carefully as I thought I may be, the ice did, and as always will, crush beneath and.. down I went.
It was the most humbling experience...when I was able to look at myself and feel the inpdescribable pain of disappointment. God showed me how perfect He is, and how imperfect I am, especially in His light...God showed me also, that I wasn't holding His hand..and at this time specifically, He was holding it out, offering his hand, the whole time.
Day 4
12-7-09
After analyzing my monday, I realize how dependent we are to God. As a child is to his father...or mother...
I was watching a 4 year old, and I must say, while he is one of the best 4 yr olds I've ever met, it was not easy.
At this age, they are incredibly interested in doing things "by myself!' and many times,they don't realize that without help, they can actually hurt themselves. Also, I noticed the "how come" and "why" and "but"...also the pleadings "can I pleeeease have.." "but I was a good boy," and "just this one time"...
and with this bundle of joy by my side, it was almost amusing to me that he reflected me..a 4 year old in God's daycare-so to speak. how many times I felt confident enough to do things my own way, by myself...how many times I asked and begged and pleaded...while He knew better...so through this child, God showed me a reflection of myself. T
Thank you Lord for speaking to me through a child.
After analyzing my monday, I realize how dependent we are to God. As a child is to his father...or mother...
I was watching a 4 year old, and I must say, while he is one of the best 4 yr olds I've ever met, it was not easy.
At this age, they are incredibly interested in doing things "by myself!' and many times,they don't realize that without help, they can actually hurt themselves. Also, I noticed the "how come" and "why" and "but"...also the pleadings "can I pleeeease have.." "but I was a good boy," and "just this one time"...
and with this bundle of joy by my side, it was almost amusing to me that he reflected me..a 4 year old in God's daycare-so to speak. how many times I felt confident enough to do things my own way, by myself...how many times I asked and begged and pleaded...while He knew better...so through this child, God showed me a reflection of myself. T
Thank you Lord for speaking to me through a child.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Day 3
12/6/2009
Church service was a great blessing both morning and evening. In the morning I was praying and thanking God for sending His Son, Himself, to be sacrificed for my sins...
Also that God saw it fit to command us to think of Him while we participate in communion, because even with this act, our sinful nature tries to make it a simple task. I was grateful for this great new way I can prepare for communion, by being in this constant state of listening for the Word, and Seeing His path and accepting what He sends. Really, I am feeling the blessings and peace from "Daniel's fast" and hope to continue this as a way of Life.
Job 22:21-28
"SUBMIT to God and you will have PEACE; then things will go well for you. LISTEN to HIS instructions and STORE them in your HEART.
If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored--so clean up your life......The Almighty Himself will be your treasure....You will take delight in the Almighty and look up to God. You will pray to Him and He will hear you, and you will fulfill your vows to Him....You will succeed in whatever you choose to do, and light will shine on the road ahead of you. "
First God wants me to submit to Him. Everything. Every aspect of my daily life, my thoughts, ambitions, my questions and desires..my whole self...only AFTERWARDS, will I gain Peace. Peace in my heart will allow me to Listen to His instructions, which I will have to Store in my heart. Then, I will be able to FULFILL the vows He wants for me, as His child.
Church service was a great blessing both morning and evening. In the morning I was praying and thanking God for sending His Son, Himself, to be sacrificed for my sins...
Also that God saw it fit to command us to think of Him while we participate in communion, because even with this act, our sinful nature tries to make it a simple task. I was grateful for this great new way I can prepare for communion, by being in this constant state of listening for the Word, and Seeing His path and accepting what He sends. Really, I am feeling the blessings and peace from "Daniel's fast" and hope to continue this as a way of Life.
Job 22:21-28
"SUBMIT to God and you will have PEACE; then things will go well for you. LISTEN to HIS instructions and STORE them in your HEART.
If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored--so clean up your life......The Almighty Himself will be your treasure....You will take delight in the Almighty and look up to God. You will pray to Him and He will hear you, and you will fulfill your vows to Him....You will succeed in whatever you choose to do, and light will shine on the road ahead of you. "
First God wants me to submit to Him. Everything. Every aspect of my daily life, my thoughts, ambitions, my questions and desires..my whole self...only AFTERWARDS, will I gain Peace. Peace in my heart will allow me to Listen to His instructions, which I will have to Store in my heart. Then, I will be able to FULFILL the vows He wants for me, as His child.
Day 2
Day 2
12/5/2009
God's message today was humbling
Psalms 144:3-4
"O Lord, what are human beings that you should notice them, mere mortals that you should think about them? For they are like a breath of air; their days are like a passing shadow."
Lord, there are millions more worthy to call you Father than me, in my eyes...when I think of comparing myself to Moses, David, Joseph and others we look up to through scripture, I am embarrassed and saddened that at times, I am not as close to you as they were...and many times I question Your calling or am cautious to trust You fully. But who am I that you know the details of my life and the secret burdens in my heart and You alone Cares for me...a simple breath of air. I bow my head in Gratitude and honor to be at Your feet. Amen.
12/5/2009
God's message today was humbling
Psalms 144:3-4
"O Lord, what are human beings that you should notice them, mere mortals that you should think about them? For they are like a breath of air; their days are like a passing shadow."
Lord, there are millions more worthy to call you Father than me, in my eyes...when I think of comparing myself to Moses, David, Joseph and others we look up to through scripture, I am embarrassed and saddened that at times, I am not as close to you as they were...and many times I question Your calling or am cautious to trust You fully. But who am I that you know the details of my life and the secret burdens in my heart and You alone Cares for me...a simple breath of air. I bow my head in Gratitude and honor to be at Your feet. Amen.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Day 1
-12/4/2009-
This morning I was reading a passage from Acts chapter 16, verse 22 and on. Paul and Silas were at one point surrounded by a mob. The city officials ordered them to be beaten with wooden rods. Paul and Silas were severly beaten and then put into prison...
Children of God were spreading His word and living by Faith and Love, depending on God's protection and mercy...beaten??
While paul and Silas were exhausted and recovering from the attack, at midnight, as they are especially restrained with their feet clamped, the Bible tells us they were "praying and singing hymns to God, and other prisoners were listening."
As I read this, I had to stop and think of our situation as Christians today...How do we respond to spiritual attack? Do we continue to sing and pray? Or do we often ask God to unload the burden we have...
Look at the trust, faithfulness and sincerity Paul and Silas leave me and you to learn from in their worshiping our God.
Shortly there is a huge earthquake (God has never left His servants!) and Paul and Silas not only save the jailer from committing suicide, but also, by introducing Christ, he was able to accept the gift of salvation for himself and his household.
God wants to remind us that in serving Him, our faith and Love and commitment will be tested. But never are we left alone during the exam.
the process may be the one and only most humiliating, humbling and breaking experience one fears the most. But God reminds us that He will be glorified in the result, and if He lives in you, then you too, shall understand the joy of glorifying God Almighty.
psalms 143:7-8"
...come quicly Lord and snwer me, for my depression deepens, Don't turn away from me, or I will die, let me hear from your unfailing love each monring for I am trusting You, show me where to walk for I give myself to you."
This morning I was reading a passage from Acts chapter 16, verse 22 and on. Paul and Silas were at one point surrounded by a mob. The city officials ordered them to be beaten with wooden rods. Paul and Silas were severly beaten and then put into prison...
Children of God were spreading His word and living by Faith and Love, depending on God's protection and mercy...beaten??
While paul and Silas were exhausted and recovering from the attack, at midnight, as they are especially restrained with their feet clamped, the Bible tells us they were "praying and singing hymns to God, and other prisoners were listening."
As I read this, I had to stop and think of our situation as Christians today...How do we respond to spiritual attack? Do we continue to sing and pray? Or do we often ask God to unload the burden we have...
Look at the trust, faithfulness and sincerity Paul and Silas leave me and you to learn from in their worshiping our God.
Shortly there is a huge earthquake (God has never left His servants!) and Paul and Silas not only save the jailer from committing suicide, but also, by introducing Christ, he was able to accept the gift of salvation for himself and his household.
God wants to remind us that in serving Him, our faith and Love and commitment will be tested. But never are we left alone during the exam.
the process may be the one and only most humiliating, humbling and breaking experience one fears the most. But God reminds us that He will be glorified in the result, and if He lives in you, then you too, shall understand the joy of glorifying God Almighty.
psalms 143:7-8"
...come quicly Lord and snwer me, for my depression deepens, Don't turn away from me, or I will die, let me hear from your unfailing love each monring for I am trusting You, show me where to walk for I give myself to you."
21 days Daniel's Fast
My best friend is in need of support through a difficult time in her life. She is doing 21 days of "Daniel's fast". In this fast, one spends his/her time in prayer and meditation on the word of God and what He reveals. One would limit him or herself in food (no meat, breads, sodas, sweets..etc) and other indulgences in a daily life, and keep his/her mind and heart and spirit towards our Heavenly Father.
In the meantime, the Holy Spirit has been gently reminding me that I need to grow spiritually...I have reached a plateau it seems, or even worse, I've started to run downhill, so to speak.
I will support my friend and include my desire to know God more especially in these 21 days.
Every day I will keep a journal that will include anything God pointed out through scripture, radio, internet...pictures, and so forth.
I look forward to this Blessed time and the opportunity to share it with you.
In the meantime, the Holy Spirit has been gently reminding me that I need to grow spiritually...I have reached a plateau it seems, or even worse, I've started to run downhill, so to speak.
I will support my friend and include my desire to know God more especially in these 21 days.
Every day I will keep a journal that will include anything God pointed out through scripture, radio, internet...pictures, and so forth.
I look forward to this Blessed time and the opportunity to share it with you.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
The End.
we have yet to experience
the unknown destination
while the fog and sunlight
rocks and water
hills and streams
amidst the process
bow their heads
in passing
how must one endure
this so called
phenomenon?
analyze each step
or keep the eyes ahead?
caution with emotions
or express them raw?
must I stick to the pathway
or let imagination wander
exploring the escape...
all in all
the end awaits in utter patience
and what will it be?
the unknown destination
while the fog and sunlight
rocks and water
hills and streams
amidst the process
bow their heads
in passing
how must one endure
this so called
phenomenon?
analyze each step
or keep the eyes ahead?
caution with emotions
or express them raw?
must I stick to the pathway
or let imagination wander
exploring the escape...
all in all
the end awaits in utter patience
and what will it be?
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