Well, well, What Do We Have Here?

I'm married and I'm going to have a baby in less than 30 days!!! I honestly had a moment where I said to myself "I can't believe that I'm actually pregnant." This was three days ago, mind you.

 I remember when at some points in my single life I wondered how it would be, to be married, or to have children, how does it feel to be pregnant...and now, its all here! Its INCREDIBLE!!

Truthfully, truthfully, it's a little intimidating with a pinch of fear. It's realizing you will never be the same. It's embracing the new role as a wife and mom.

 It's learning God's calling for this new role. It's not easy but it is oh so sweet and beautiful. Becoming a wife was a step closer to God. Although, I honestly felt my personal routine connection with God was a little challenged (since now it was shared and not on the same basis), I learned so much more about being a Godly woman.

God has designed our lives to be challenged in these new roles so that we realize attributes about ourselves that simply were not exposed until they are dealt with in the union of marriage. Moments like "geez I never thought I'd be this SENSATIVE!" and "Why is THIS bothering me?" or humbleness, humility, COMMUNICATION. I didnt realize I wasn't very good at communicating... Those are all now works in progress, thank God!

 Becoming a mom is a whole new wonderfully challenging chapter in my life and I can't wait, and...I can. I know myself and I know that I want to be the best mom. I don't want to screw up. I don't want to fail. I want to be friends with my child. I want to be loving, and strict. I want to be Godly. I want to so many things and I don't have the exact recipe. There simply ISNT one. trust me, don't even google it.

That is what causes a bitter sweet anxiousness about Baby's arrival. More sweet than bitter. I worry about her health and her wellbeing, her future friends and her personality, her education and her love for God. I've never experienced such feelings in my life. I only now realize how big it is to be a parent and only now realize my parents were much bigger than I ever gave them credit.

This stage in my life is one that will never repeat itself and one that I embrace wholeheartedly. I welcome any and all advice from all parents or friends. "you dont know what you dont know" is one of the quotes that helps me grow...and of course, my husband so greatly reminds me that to be in a constant state of learning is the most invaluable.

 A work in progress, under continuous construction. its what I am.

Change is Good

I realize that I haven't written since more than half a year ago. Although, there were countless moments, lessons, challenges, blessings, and stories to share on here. All, however, were safely brewing in my mind and, now, memories.

Evaluating the past 7 months, I can't believe how much has changed! I'm sure in all of our lives, there have been some sort of shift, progress, slowing down or speeding up. In a Christian person's life, change is good. I believe, it is always for the better.

To name a few things (from hundreds), I am married since June, to the most amazing Godly man, Ive gotten a new job, have moved to a different city, living without having the same friends and family near by, meeting new people, started a different lifestyle of a newly-married couple. Oh, and we got a puppy, but thats just a sidenote. haha

Aside from my changes, my friends have gone through getting engaged (one of my best friends to my brother!), my brother is cancer free!!! Some people have moved, others have passed away abruptly, prayers have been answered, not all of them make sense at the moment....

Change.

Change is beautiful, it has been seen throguhout the Bible and in God's handwriting. Look at the pattern of the day: have you noticed how often the sky changes? Look at the seasons, unpredictable weather...The Bible talks about timing and that there is time for everything under the heavens. Time to laugh, time to cry, keep, throw away, peace and war, ...Ecclesiastes 3

Over time, we have seen how God has allowed our minds to grow, technology to progress, research to flourish...we are capable of reaching, solving, fixing, changing, fighting, and losing much better than 500 years ago...

Everything in our lives is for the better and ordained by God. The key is to TRUST IN HIM!!! To be completely dependent on our God, to search His will in the changes that are happening around us.

Its quite easy to notice that the heart of humanity (if I can say that), has not changed much despite the good changes God has given us. Sin is still very present. We have not become happier, life is not easier for us, we are still stressed more than ever (they have de stressing toys for 5 yr olds~~??!!) we questions, fight on our own, make our own (often selfish) plans and watch the fashion trends repeat themselves.

I know many people who believe change in the world (progress in technology) is bad for the christians, to stay completely away from it. However, discussing with my husband I've now come to realize that we limit God and don't allow Him to reveal Himself in ALL ways, which He can. God has no limits. Remember when God said if the voices will be silent, all creation will rise and shout!!

I know this post is getting a bit long. But What I've learned is that change is for the better, in all ways (even challenges), the world and its changes (liberal views) will keep challenging our faith (which is good), the lessons we learn, the miracles we see, the answered prayers and the ones that are still to be answered, point to God. He is the only One Who is Constant, He is the ONLY ONE we can rely and Trust in. THe ability to see yourself completely dependent on God and the ability to trust His works in our lives will result in a joy and peace more than you will have ever felt.

Blessings to all of my friends! I hope you see the changes in your lives as GOOD! and please share~

Spreading the blessings

I will never forget this March of 2011. Honduras missions trip. Roughly 3,000 patients seen and 700 comming to Christ. It has changed my life, forever.

God blessed me with this opportunity, and even more, He reminded me of what I have, and what I cannot live without.

This trip was His mission continuing in my life, and His rich, pure, holy blessings pouring out of mortal dependent imperfect creatures like myself. It was truly humbling.

There were moments when I caught myself losing heart, becoming impatient, sensitive, irritable, stressed...the stronger relationship with God,l the more I did His will, the more I saw how much I do not reflect Him. How His love has covered my all sins...how patient He is with me, how tolerant and how merciful...

God changes my heart and improves me daily...He reminds me of His wisdom, His blessings, He calls me back to Him when I am distracted...He reveals Himself to me. He is my happiness, my only true joy. All of Truth is in Him.

The Joy we have from God, we gave away with every word and touch to the poor people of Honduras...It was not ours to keep...it never is.

I pray for many many more opportunities like this in my life. Part of it, of course, is the amazing outcome of my spirit and heart. He never fails to do His mission within me.

JAMES 3:17
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.

Minutes With Wings, Buds On Branches

It's February and my last blog was in November. Today, the wind is blowing as if it will not have the opportunity to be in the spotlight for a long time. This may be so, since the flowers are squirming in the little balls of buds on the tree branches.

Life goes on, again I learn. Time heals...looking back, There is no room for tears or worry. Only Appreciation. It is entirely out of my understanding, and only my faith can assure me that humans are actually capable of overcomming ANYTHING, through Jesus, in Whom there is power and strength, comfort and peace and love.

Lately, there is more than my own album to look back on, there are friends, loved ones, co workers, even patients. All requiring either wisdom, faith, strength, love, comfort, and all of the above. Answered prayers in the end. every. single. one.

God is good. The only Good we have.

My brother Vito has been touched by Gods mercy and God has healed him. Of course, tests and treatments, and "precautionary" measures will be done. We know however, we just know.

Thank you all for praying and for loving, and for being our family through Jesus.

I am reminded through your actions that what are our talents worth if there is no love? So you have proven your quality as Servants of God, filled with only His love.
May I forever remember and reflect this on and on.

I have been priviledged to share many joys as well in these months, new births, engagements, marriages, relationships....How intertwined all of lifes paths are!

Genuinely happy and blessed, humbled and disciplined, encouraged and challenged.

Loved.

A Wake up call, A Lesson Learned, A Miracle In The Making

Many things have happened, and I am not sure where to start. I can say, however, God has answered our prayers and our requests. God has always been faithful, even when I was not.

There was a time that I prayed about cancer and healing. It never tugged at my heart to do a cancer walk/run or donation of any kind however. A couple weeks ago I happened to be stuck in line at a grocery store and, overhead, a cashier yells into the mic: "10 dollars!! donated to the Cancer foundation!!" That's when I heard the word in a different tone. I left knowing God donated and my heart was touched.

Not even a month later: My brother Vito, My best friend in the world, 29, talented as you know what, smart, funny, healthy, handsome, happy, Godly.... looks different, feels different, acts different.

After a visit to the hospital, I hoped the doctors would say "oh, you are a healthy kid, get some sleep. you'll get over it..." but they said "We need more testing, this looks like Lymphoma, we are also concerned as it could have an affect on your heart."

I can't describe the depth of the numbness. It wasn't pain or anger, it wasn't sadness or fear, it wasn't the unknown or the potential of the situation. It was all that and a big elephant sized foot stepping on my heart. on our hearts.

A couple weeks before the news about Vito's health, our family joined hands and hearts asking God to help our family become closer to Him and closer to each other in Love.

Is this our lesson? If it is, we are learning, and loving, and we are praying: harder and longer, with more faith than before, with humbleness and repentance. We are requesing a miracle. His involvement, His interuption in the potentially damaging process, His gaze, His finger, His Healing Hands. We ask for His mercy and Love.

Through this, it's as if I have become hypersensitive to others' pain. I don't say "I will pray", I pray. I don't say "I feel saddened", I am saddened. As a "patient" I learned the little details that matter, I am now a better nurse.

My patients and families, even the doctor involved in my brother's care have, one way or another, on their own initiative entirely, offered strength and prayers and encouragement through My God- Our Heavenly Father.


Even today I am reminded as she stands over her mother and prays,

" You are the Giver of Life, and You said she will live, so This too shall pass, you are My God, My Healer, My Creater and strength. By Your will, by Your power, I believe, I have faith, and I stand on your promises alone. I dont mind listenin to the doctors, or looking at the machines, and hearing them beep. I know You are above our knowledge and understanding, our science and our medicine. Lord Touch Her and Keep Her! For We believe only in You. .." she continued on speaking in tongues.

I found myself whispering "amen. amen. amen."

I know now what it is like to rip a robe off and fall to the ground, wipe the puddle of tears with one's hair and shave your head. I did that inside my soul and heart.
I know that I am not qualified to ask God for a miracle, But for the Sake of His Glory and Honor. For the Sake of Jesus in Whom I trust and Believe. I request His miracle with every cell in my body.

Today, He went for a biopsy. This IS a Miracle in the Making.

THANK YOU GOD.

"get cho head up!" . God Looked at me.

that's what the unit's 'janitor' shouted first thing this morning.

the load is heavy, mentally, spiritually, physically...

at the end of the day, 6 people total asked if everything was alright, although I tried my best to smile like usual.

at the end of the day, I asked my brother knew what it felt like when you were so exhausted you wanted to throw up.

At the end of the day, my eyebrows can't relax despite the "calming" mask I have on...I am so overwhelmed I drive with the radio off. I turned my phone to "silent" profile...and even being at church today, felt like my head was spinning with all the people who were there.

I feel like I'm looking at me from the outside and my emotions are heavy stones around my neck.

At the end of the day, I look up and have nothing to say to Him. I just look up. I'm too "everything" to even begin.

Here I am, waiting for the face mask to do it's magic, as it promised in the box...while I waited...

God looked back at me. He sent me this song through my cousin's website:
By Nichole Nordeman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waYUzxK8TYA

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

Gratitude. is all I really have. despite of everything...and because of everything.
Only God knows how I feel.

THIS HITS HOME> THANK YOU GOD>

"Men and women can understand the progmatic notions of: faith, can decide that they life that, can commint themselves to a religious joourney, and remain completely unchanged by the power of God....

you decided that church ought to have a place in your life, for whatever reason. The spirit of God is at work within your heart says "Come one, let's get serious." So you begin to get serious. Youve come a long and you've decided that theres a measure of pragmatism in what's being said. Afterall, it's a peace of mind, and I like peace of mind. Afterall, it gives me a sence of equilibrium in my week, and I like that. Afterall, it kind of reinforces family... and I think family is important. And it also says to me, there's purpose out there.

So embracing the validity of all of that...so you've decided, of your own volition...to commit yourself to a religious journey, and you're on it.

But here's the problem: When you started the journey, you were a dreadful swearer, and you swear just as much as you ever did. When you started the journey, you were a liar, and you lie as much as you ever did. When you began the pilgrimige your life was full of bitterness and of envy and of hate and of rebellion and of guilt, and you are still EXACT SAME AS YOU EVER WERE!

And you know it. And youre troubled by it....You have simply recognized the wisdom that is contained in a way of life, but you have never come to learn in Jesus, that way to life. So your faith.. is fatuous. It is resting on MAN's wisdom....it will help you walk the walk and talk that talk and may lead you to the very pit of hell...

That is why Paul trembled at the thought that men and women can so miss the point...as to embrace the shell, and miss the substance. And go on their journey, continually lost...."

"So that your faith may not rest on man's wisdom, but on the transforming power of the Spirit of God."

truthforlife.org Alistair Begg "Testimony of a Preacher"