Many things have happened, and I am not sure where to start. I can say, however, God has answered our prayers and our requests. God has always been faithful, even when I was not.
There was a time that I prayed about cancer and healing. It never tugged at my heart to do a cancer walk/run or donation of any kind however. A couple weeks ago I happened to be stuck in line at a grocery store and, overhead, a cashier yells into the mic: "10 dollars!! donated to the Cancer foundation!!" That's when I heard the word in a different tone. I left knowing God donated and my heart was touched.
Not even a month later: My brother Vito, My best friend in the world, 29, talented as you know what, smart, funny, healthy, handsome, happy, Godly.... looks different, feels different, acts different.
After a visit to the hospital, I hoped the doctors would say "oh, you are a healthy kid, get some sleep. you'll get over it..." but they said "We need more testing, this looks like Lymphoma, we are also concerned as it could have an affect on your heart."
I can't describe the depth of the numbness. It wasn't pain or anger, it wasn't sadness or fear, it wasn't the unknown or the potential of the situation. It was all that and a big elephant sized foot stepping on my heart. on our hearts.
A couple weeks before the news about Vito's health, our family joined hands and hearts asking God to help our family become closer to Him and closer to each other in Love.
Is this our lesson? If it is, we are learning, and loving, and we are praying: harder and longer, with more faith than before, with humbleness and repentance. We are requesing a miracle. His involvement, His interuption in the potentially damaging process, His gaze, His finger, His Healing Hands. We ask for His mercy and Love.
Through this, it's as if I have become hypersensitive to others' pain. I don't say "I will pray", I pray. I don't say "I feel saddened", I am saddened. As a "patient" I learned the little details that matter, I am now a better nurse.
My patients and families, even the doctor involved in my brother's care have, one way or another, on their own initiative entirely, offered strength and prayers and encouragement through My God- Our Heavenly Father.
Even today I am reminded as she stands over her mother and prays,
" You are the Giver of Life, and You said she will live, so This too shall pass, you are My God, My Healer, My Creater and strength. By Your will, by Your power, I believe, I have faith, and I stand on your promises alone. I dont mind listenin to the doctors, or looking at the machines, and hearing them beep. I know You are above our knowledge and understanding, our science and our medicine. Lord Touch Her and Keep Her! For We believe only in You. .." she continued on speaking in tongues.
I found myself whispering "amen. amen. amen."
I know now what it is like to rip a robe off and fall to the ground, wipe the puddle of tears with one's hair and shave your head. I did that inside my soul and heart.
I know that I am not qualified to ask God for a miracle, But for the Sake of His Glory and Honor. For the Sake of Jesus in Whom I trust and Believe. I request His miracle with every cell in my body.
Today, He went for a biopsy. This IS a Miracle in the Making.
THANK YOU GOD.
