"get cho head up!" . God Looked at me.

that's what the unit's 'janitor' shouted first thing this morning.

the load is heavy, mentally, spiritually, physically...

at the end of the day, 6 people total asked if everything was alright, although I tried my best to smile like usual.

at the end of the day, I asked my brother knew what it felt like when you were so exhausted you wanted to throw up.

At the end of the day, my eyebrows can't relax despite the "calming" mask I have on...I am so overwhelmed I drive with the radio off. I turned my phone to "silent" profile...and even being at church today, felt like my head was spinning with all the people who were there.

I feel like I'm looking at me from the outside and my emotions are heavy stones around my neck.

At the end of the day, I look up and have nothing to say to Him. I just look up. I'm too "everything" to even begin.

Here I am, waiting for the face mask to do it's magic, as it promised in the box...while I waited...

God looked back at me. He sent me this song through my cousin's website:
By Nichole Nordeman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waYUzxK8TYA

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

Gratitude. is all I really have. despite of everything...and because of everything.
Only God knows how I feel.

THIS HITS HOME> THANK YOU GOD>

"Men and women can understand the progmatic notions of: faith, can decide that they life that, can commint themselves to a religious joourney, and remain completely unchanged by the power of God....

you decided that church ought to have a place in your life, for whatever reason. The spirit of God is at work within your heart says "Come one, let's get serious." So you begin to get serious. Youve come a long and you've decided that theres a measure of pragmatism in what's being said. Afterall, it's a peace of mind, and I like peace of mind. Afterall, it gives me a sence of equilibrium in my week, and I like that. Afterall, it kind of reinforces family... and I think family is important. And it also says to me, there's purpose out there.

So embracing the validity of all of that...so you've decided, of your own volition...to commit yourself to a religious journey, and you're on it.

But here's the problem: When you started the journey, you were a dreadful swearer, and you swear just as much as you ever did. When you started the journey, you were a liar, and you lie as much as you ever did. When you began the pilgrimige your life was full of bitterness and of envy and of hate and of rebellion and of guilt, and you are still EXACT SAME AS YOU EVER WERE!

And you know it. And youre troubled by it....You have simply recognized the wisdom that is contained in a way of life, but you have never come to learn in Jesus, that way to life. So your faith.. is fatuous. It is resting on MAN's wisdom....it will help you walk the walk and talk that talk and may lead you to the very pit of hell...

That is why Paul trembled at the thought that men and women can so miss the point...as to embrace the shell, and miss the substance. And go on their journey, continually lost...."

"So that your faith may not rest on man's wisdom, but on the transforming power of the Spirit of God."

truthforlife.org Alistair Begg "Testimony of a Preacher"