A Wake up call, A Lesson Learned, A Miracle In The Making

Many things have happened, and I am not sure where to start. I can say, however, God has answered our prayers and our requests. God has always been faithful, even when I was not.

There was a time that I prayed about cancer and healing. It never tugged at my heart to do a cancer walk/run or donation of any kind however. A couple weeks ago I happened to be stuck in line at a grocery store and, overhead, a cashier yells into the mic: "10 dollars!! donated to the Cancer foundation!!" That's when I heard the word in a different tone. I left knowing God donated and my heart was touched.

Not even a month later: My brother Vito, My best friend in the world, 29, talented as you know what, smart, funny, healthy, handsome, happy, Godly.... looks different, feels different, acts different.

After a visit to the hospital, I hoped the doctors would say "oh, you are a healthy kid, get some sleep. you'll get over it..." but they said "We need more testing, this looks like Lymphoma, we are also concerned as it could have an affect on your heart."

I can't describe the depth of the numbness. It wasn't pain or anger, it wasn't sadness or fear, it wasn't the unknown or the potential of the situation. It was all that and a big elephant sized foot stepping on my heart. on our hearts.

A couple weeks before the news about Vito's health, our family joined hands and hearts asking God to help our family become closer to Him and closer to each other in Love.

Is this our lesson? If it is, we are learning, and loving, and we are praying: harder and longer, with more faith than before, with humbleness and repentance. We are requesing a miracle. His involvement, His interuption in the potentially damaging process, His gaze, His finger, His Healing Hands. We ask for His mercy and Love.

Through this, it's as if I have become hypersensitive to others' pain. I don't say "I will pray", I pray. I don't say "I feel saddened", I am saddened. As a "patient" I learned the little details that matter, I am now a better nurse.

My patients and families, even the doctor involved in my brother's care have, one way or another, on their own initiative entirely, offered strength and prayers and encouragement through My God- Our Heavenly Father.


Even today I am reminded as she stands over her mother and prays,

" You are the Giver of Life, and You said she will live, so This too shall pass, you are My God, My Healer, My Creater and strength. By Your will, by Your power, I believe, I have faith, and I stand on your promises alone. I dont mind listenin to the doctors, or looking at the machines, and hearing them beep. I know You are above our knowledge and understanding, our science and our medicine. Lord Touch Her and Keep Her! For We believe only in You. .." she continued on speaking in tongues.

I found myself whispering "amen. amen. amen."

I know now what it is like to rip a robe off and fall to the ground, wipe the puddle of tears with one's hair and shave your head. I did that inside my soul and heart.
I know that I am not qualified to ask God for a miracle, But for the Sake of His Glory and Honor. For the Sake of Jesus in Whom I trust and Believe. I request His miracle with every cell in my body.

Today, He went for a biopsy. This IS a Miracle in the Making.

THANK YOU GOD.

"get cho head up!" . God Looked at me.

that's what the unit's 'janitor' shouted first thing this morning.

the load is heavy, mentally, spiritually, physically...

at the end of the day, 6 people total asked if everything was alright, although I tried my best to smile like usual.

at the end of the day, I asked my brother knew what it felt like when you were so exhausted you wanted to throw up.

At the end of the day, my eyebrows can't relax despite the "calming" mask I have on...I am so overwhelmed I drive with the radio off. I turned my phone to "silent" profile...and even being at church today, felt like my head was spinning with all the people who were there.

I feel like I'm looking at me from the outside and my emotions are heavy stones around my neck.

At the end of the day, I look up and have nothing to say to Him. I just look up. I'm too "everything" to even begin.

Here I am, waiting for the face mask to do it's magic, as it promised in the box...while I waited...

God looked back at me. He sent me this song through my cousin's website:
By Nichole Nordeman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waYUzxK8TYA

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

Gratitude. is all I really have. despite of everything...and because of everything.
Only God knows how I feel.

THIS HITS HOME> THANK YOU GOD>

"Men and women can understand the progmatic notions of: faith, can decide that they life that, can commint themselves to a religious joourney, and remain completely unchanged by the power of God....

you decided that church ought to have a place in your life, for whatever reason. The spirit of God is at work within your heart says "Come one, let's get serious." So you begin to get serious. Youve come a long and you've decided that theres a measure of pragmatism in what's being said. Afterall, it's a peace of mind, and I like peace of mind. Afterall, it gives me a sence of equilibrium in my week, and I like that. Afterall, it kind of reinforces family... and I think family is important. And it also says to me, there's purpose out there.

So embracing the validity of all of that...so you've decided, of your own volition...to commit yourself to a religious journey, and you're on it.

But here's the problem: When you started the journey, you were a dreadful swearer, and you swear just as much as you ever did. When you started the journey, you were a liar, and you lie as much as you ever did. When you began the pilgrimige your life was full of bitterness and of envy and of hate and of rebellion and of guilt, and you are still EXACT SAME AS YOU EVER WERE!

And you know it. And youre troubled by it....You have simply recognized the wisdom that is contained in a way of life, but you have never come to learn in Jesus, that way to life. So your faith.. is fatuous. It is resting on MAN's wisdom....it will help you walk the walk and talk that talk and may lead you to the very pit of hell...

That is why Paul trembled at the thought that men and women can so miss the point...as to embrace the shell, and miss the substance. And go on their journey, continually lost...."

"So that your faith may not rest on man's wisdom, but on the transforming power of the Spirit of God."

truthforlife.org Alistair Begg "Testimony of a Preacher"

Chatting Over Spilled Coffee

God has been speaking so much to me and I feel if I don't dump this on 'paper' I wont be able to receive more. Im overflowing. I'm sure you know how that feels. I've been jotting down notes on random pieces of paper. It's a miracle that I didn't crash because many times, it would be while driving.

Of course, these are all puzzle pieces that I collect, and I'm not sure what the picture will look like at the end. But I believe it will be an amazing work of His art.

I was introduced to a person who was once "me", as she put it. "Very spiritual, God loving, church going, following-all-the-rule- of-the-book type of girl." I have known her now for maybe a couple of months, and we have been chatting about life and other unsolved mysteries. Now, as she puts it, "I fell out of love." After personal trials and hardship she has overcome, she actually drew closer to God, but now, she feels "cold hearted" she feels her heart is "hardened" and while she still believes we are intricately designed by "a Higher Power" she doesnt really care whether there is a God or not.

ouch.

So, now that you have that, I started to pray for her. I didnt pray intently on a daily basis or anything. Just when the Holy Spirit prompted me to (a brief flash of her name in my brain)is how.

I have been reading my one year bible and sometimes I was ahead of the game, and now, I'm chasing those dates. What I find mind boggling is this:

I've been reading Job. the umptieth time. I was able to draw different lessons from it. This time in particular it was (in a nutshell) it's ok to complain to God when it hurts. Secondly, I found that his friends were saying some great things that were greatly wrong. Also that if I had not known the behind-the-scene situation of God testing Job, I would probably say the same things to Job...

Now, one night we were up talking until about 130am. while she was expressing her feelings, or lack thereof...I was experiencing an amazing work of God in this: The "comfort" words or "wise" words I wanted to say were actually the cheap and degrading words of Jobs' 'friends'. Every time I was about to say something like "God is perfect and, well, we are not." God told me to be quiet and listen. Then, when I wanted to say "God is perfect and allows things in our life for many reasons, more than just you." God told me to say "It's ok to come to Him and complain."

Just come to Him. Even if you are struggling with faith. Even if it is to say "God, I have a hard time understanding this, or believing in You." God will show you.

why the title? because we always chat over coffee. This time, I spilled it on my shirt. but everything else? it was Perfect.

Show Them God. They will go on Rejoicing.

Today we had Baptism at church and the First Preacher mentioned the following verses, the story of:

Philip and the Ethiopian Eunuch

26Now an angel of the Lord said to Philip, “Rise and go toward the south to the road that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza.” This is a desert place. 27And he rose and went. And there was an Ethiopian, a eunuch, a court official of Candace, queen of the Ethiopians, who was in charge of all her treasure. He had come to Jerusalem to worship 28and was returning, seated in his chariot, and he was reading the prophet Isaiah. 29And the Spirit said to Philip, “Go over and join this chariot.” 30So Philip ran to him and heard him reading Isaiah the prophet and asked, “Do you understand what you are reading?” 31And he said, “How can I, unless someone guides me?” And he invited Philip to come up and sit with him. 32Now the passage of the Scripture that he was reading was this:

“Like a sheep he was led to the slaughter
and like a lamb before its shearer is silent,
so he opens not his mouth.
33 In his humiliation justice was denied him.
Who can describe his generation?
For his life is taken away from the earth.”

34And the eunuch said to Philip, “About whom, I ask you, does the prophet say this, about himself or about someone else?” 35Then Philip opened his mouth, and beginning with this Scripture he told him the good news about Jesus. 36And as they were going along the road they came to some water, and the eunuch said, “See, here is water! What prevents me from being baptized?”e 38And he commanded the chariot to stop, and they both went down into the water, Philip and the eunuch, and he baptized him. 39And when they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord carried Philip away, and the eunuch saw him no more, and went on his way rejoicing.

The preacher pointed out that when the angel took Philip away, Eunuch wasn't worried or saddened...he didnt search for Philip. Eunuch, who was now filled with the Spirit of God, knew he gained The One who is bigger than Philip. He gained an everlasting Love.

THe preacher was calling me to be the light rays of the Sun. To reflect God. To offer Him alone and to be able to do it in a way the person will gain that understanding of what they now really possess. That way, They too will be able to live, go on their way "REJOICING". For they have what no one can ever take away.

~God's Provision, sweaty armpits~

As usual, I was talking to God in the 10 minute walk from my car to my hospital. Usually, I pray for God to take care of the patients I tend to, for Him to give me wisdoma and insight, patience, and whatever else I may need to be equipped for a successful day...

This day, I surprised myself at this line of our conversation, "God, help me answer them well..." I briefly wondered why in the world I said that, and what in the world did I mean by that. Quickly I brushed it off with "i must still be sleeping..." and "i must get coffee now."

During the shift my manager approaches me and says he would like for me to be interviewed by the people who inspect the hospital units...a flashback to my morning prayer got me to realize i was experiencing the Holy Spirit asking on behalf of me the things I didnt realize I will need. I felt a hot wave come over me...at that point it was from the above realization as well as from the pressure of being interviewed. It was a wave of peace, though, because I knew in my heart it would be alright.

Being a visual person, I had created a picture of 2 people interviewing me and everything going smooth...when time came to my interview we walked all the way downstairs to the basement, to the big meeting room holding a panel of about 20 people, who have the power to shut down a hospital, who make all the units look like we just opened, who are typing and recording this interview, I smiled politely and nodded to everyone through my silent heart attack.

God has provision. The Holy Spirit will see to it that you are taken care of...because through it, God is glorified, as He is always worthy.

The interview was a blessing, a personal miracle...and although it was God who set everything up and sent me peace, and my voice didn't quiver and I was calm, and I didnt forget my name...my armpits were still sweaty. Not because of 40 eyes looking and 40 ears listening, but because the Creator of this Universe saw to it that this little detail in this little person's life will be handled to leave the little person speechless, humbled, and full of praise and joy at what He can do, what he does and what he did on this day.

Day 21?

I havent written here in a long time...but I'll call this Day 21. I will pu up a post anytime while I'm on the Daniel's Fast...

Currently I am reading a book called "First we have Coffee" by Margaret jensen. Another great find in the good ole goodwill book collection =)

it was written before I was born and doesnt look really appealing to the eye, but my love for coffee took over so I went ahead and bought it!

Little did I know...this is an amazing inspirational story of a woman's life with a missionary Father and a mom that is exceptionally close to God. The whole book is an example of devotion, courage, faith, love...a way to live Godly really. I love it!
Not only that, but it also glorifies God and includes many miracles they have experienced first hand. Goosebump worthy!

here's a quote i adore...the author, a little girl here, writes about the donated shoes she got that were too big and too ugly

"I thought about what mama said, but I also remembered how papa preached about how God can move mountains if we pray, believing...In desperation I prayed! "Dear God, the bible says if we have faith we can move mountains. I don't need any mountains moved, I just need two pairs of shoes moved. Thank You."

Day 20

Based on Romans 6-7


"I open my eyes again-
Renewed and transformed
by eyedrops of grace.
I finally see and embrace this power
Given to me so long ago

Is it really possible not to sin?
me: born from a seed of sin
with the sinful nature within
always eager to lure me in...

Good news I've received!
I"m no longer a slave to that seed
the Holy Spirit rooted it out!
The forbidden tree lives not in me!
I, am a slave to Righteousness!
Thus, I am Free.

What relief! Oh, the power of God over sin
I'm no longer afraid or ashamed!
In Jesus' name I've been granted strength,
I am now equipped to win, Every time.
I can choose life over sin.

I now, have a backbone and I, stand firm.
Well aware of the new robes I wear.
I am a slave to Righteousness
A daughter to God Who adopted me.
I am sin-free.
Jesus lives in me.
I am Free.

Day 19

Today I am reminded of the priviledge to call God my Heavenly Father. Today I am reminded that I am adopted by Him and, as I heard in a youth group, only Christ is rightfully able to call Him Father. While the rest of us are forever priviledged to call on Him, the Creator of all, The Mighty One, The King of Kings, the One and ONLY true God, our Father. My Father. Wow.

Romans chapter 6 verse 5 and on... I was once a slave to sin, but am Renewed through Christ, and my old sinful self was crucified with Christ. Sin now has no power in my life. Unless, of course, I choose it to.

God knows its an ongoing battle, and it has to be! God tells us in verse 12: do not LET sin control the way you live! DO not GIVE IN to sinful desires.

So, although I am anew, the sinful nature is my weakness against the Devil who is constatnly attacking. If it were not for Christ, Who's spirit lives in me, I would be a filthy slave to sin even today. But now, (verse 19) I give myself to be a slave to righteous living so that I may become holy (through Christ).

Psalm 16 verse 11 "You will show me the way of live, granting me the joy of Your presence and the pleasures of living with you Forever"

Thank You God, for granting me a new life, for Forgiving me, for adopting me, for Loving me and punishing me so that I may see and understand how much I need You and how I cannot live happily when I let sin control me. Help me live without sin, help me identify my weakneses and bring them to You. Forgive me Father where I am weak. Only You can make me Holy through Your Son's blood. Help me choose the path of life over death in every situation. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Day 18

{A Comforting Opportunity}
Some of my friends will recognize the verse below: I shared it a couple days ago.

7Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, 8because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does... Ephesians 6(NIV)

While reading, this verse seemed to jump out as if to catch my attention. Again, I read over it, and, as I am sure many of you have experienced, it was as though it came out in new light. Despite the fact that I've read it before, this time in particular, it touched deep.

As I was pondering on the verse throughout the day, I had many thoughts like so:
"How great it is to know God sees our motives and deeds even though they may be little...even though there are so many of us...and we are so small while He is so big.."

"How amazing to know that when other people might not recognize or may overlook someone, God tells us He will surely reward for the good that was done!"

"What comfort it is to know that in any situation, I can see it as an opportunity to serve my Heavenly Father..."

Looking back, I imagine that last thought might have made God smile. Let me explain. The following day, all the circumstances God put me in were the "comforting opportunities" I thought about the day before...as if saying "Oh you like that verse? Now, Let me teach you How to apply it"

and boy, it was NOT easy.
my mom doesn't drive, sometimes she will ask us kids to take her from point A to Z, or help her with whatever errands there may be...on this particular day that I had off from work, I mentally planned to accomplish 3-5 of my own personal tasks. And with only one phone call from Mom, I was asked to set my plans aside....

Now, I didnt say "no", I didnt grunt. I didnt tell her "Mom, seriously, please respect the fact that I need to do things too, you know, important stuff, and well, you have 4 kids....3 of which can drive just as safe, if not better, and mayyyybe, just maybe I have more things to get done than...the boys." even though I was guilty of thinking that...
actually I was calm on the phone, calm in the car...SO calm, that Mom noticed! as she said: "it hurts to see you so quiet, it hurts to think I am a burden"

and thats when I felt like I died from embarrassment...I heard myself analyze inside my head...why wasn't I happy to help Mom? and then it hit me! I wasn't thinking of serving God through this! I didnt even find this an opportunity to go against my own will, my own comfort, so that I may find comfort in this opportunity to serve!

I apologized and hugged mom and told her the lesson God taught me that day. Its kinda hard, actually...but with God's help, we will be able to apply His Love, and His way of serving on a daily basis.

Day 17

Obedience. No one can fulfill their purpose in live without obeying God. To obey means to submit your will to His. By Obeying, you are Trusting. by Trusting you are Loving. By Loving you are Fearful of God. And By Fearing Him you have gained His wisdom...which, in return, will be a guidance in Obeying Him.

How wonderful He is to us!! He layed it all out for me through His word. Proverbs 22:4 Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life.

Proverbs 15:33
The fear of the LORD teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor.

DAY 16

a song by Sandi Patty. recently discovered, replayed over, and over and over. Never able to hear it without tears. I love my God.

I hear You calling out my name as only You can do
Your voice it covers all my shame, the old You turned to new
No matter how things look to me
You see a destiny, a perfect promise

You call me beautiful, You call me righteous
You call me worthy of Your Son's own precious blood
You call me holy, You call me strong at my weakest
Forgiven and pure, You call me Yours

It's hard for me to understand exactly what You see
I slip and stumble everyday but still You say believe
He'll say you'll finish what you'll start
You see me for my heart and not the bruises

You call me beautiful, You call me righteous
You call me worthy of Your Son's own precious blood
You call me holy, You call me strong at my weakest
Forgiven and pure, You call me Yours

You call me beautiful, You call me righteous
You call me worthy of Your Son's own precious blood
You call me holy, You call me strong at my weakest
Forgiven and pure, forgiven and pure, You call me Yours